It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
