Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
