my vag is so smooth its legendary
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
