No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
