i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
