I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
