Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize