but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
