do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Floor bacon is actually really good
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
