If that was your dad, he is hot
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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