There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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