You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
