i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
