I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
