i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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