I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
