You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
