i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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