Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it's like iHOP with fire
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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