he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
