I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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