worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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