I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
