someone owes me an orgasm
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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