I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
