Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
