hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
