Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
