trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
