I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
