oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
