Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My boob is missing a layer of skin
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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