My room smells like vodka and shame
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
