He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
