goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
