i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
