I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
People in love make me want to vomit
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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