oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
