i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
