I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
