You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
