I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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