I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
