not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
