R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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