I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
