Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
