HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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