R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
