i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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