I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
