What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
