The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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