I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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