do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It was confusing and full of hummus
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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