forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
