adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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